Being Confident of This

Grace for the work-in-progress woman

Confidence Born of Chaos

on November 27, 2013

If you are a faithful follower, you’ve probably noticed that the new posts on Being Confident of This have been few and far between lately. I apologize!  I feel as if I’ve been in an extended period of wrestling with the Lord, like Jacob.  I vacillate between patient waiting on my Redeemer and repeated attempts to escape this difficult lesson.

This season of trial has been just that – trying, and at times I feel so keenly the attempts of the Enemy. I don’t want to bore you with a list of everything that has added to our burden lately, neither do I wish to complain about our temporary trials.  “When it rains it pours” and Noah’s storm lasted 40 days and nights with weeks of patient waiting to follow, right?! 🙂

But in this time of waiting on the Lord, I’m also learning.  One of the things I’ve been learning is to let Him have control of everything, including the words that end up published here.  And He seems to be telling me to stay silent often lately, to be still, to simply listen and wait for Him.

So, while I’ve been resting at His feet, waiting and listening, I’ve thought a lot about the title of this blog: Being Confident of This.  What exactly is it that we are confident of?  When I first claimed Phil. 1:6 (look for it in the sidebar) as my very own, my life verse, I did so because I knew I struggled with perfection, since as long as I can remember.  This verse offers comfort to those who, like me, know their desire to please the Lord, their desire to do right, maybe even to be perfect, but they also deeply understand their own flaws.

In the beginning, being confident of this meant that I was confident God would never give up on someone like me, so flawed, so imperfect. I was confident He would keep His promise to carry out the “good work” He began in me.   It also meant that someday I would be free of the chains of perfection!  Hallelujah! I have no words to even begin to describe what that means to me – that because of what Christ suffered, I can find freedom!  In fact, because He suffered, I am now a co-heir with Him, positionally perfected by His blood.

As I’ve grown in my Christian walk, especially in the intensity of these last few years, I’ve begun to learn another kind of confidence, the kind of confidence born of a certain amount of chaos.  I think this lesson in confidence first began about 5 years ago, when we discovered we were expecting twins!  I knew myself, my desire for my agenda, and my impatient nature.  Although I’ve been a baby-lover from a very young age, I sincerely doubted my ability to handle twins, especially after the frightful toddler years with our second-born, strong-willed ball of energy and enthusiasm. 🙂

Yet, the Lord carried us through every hurdle we faced, even when… our babies were born six weeks early and ended up in the NICU. Even a few months later when our infant son began to have seizures.  Even when we lacked money for necessities.  Even when we faced developmental delays, and head-shaping helmets, and corrective eyeware,  and one specialist after the other, etc.  He’s been faithful every step of the way!

A few years later, when He asked us to say yes to moving wherever…like Abraham going forth into the desert with no destination in mind, He remained faithful.  We truly didn’t know what we were saying yes, to, but it just so happened that we said yes to leaving a comfortable job with benefits for a full-time ministry position that required a move, albeit thankfully a short distance.

We waited for a year, with half of our belongings packed away, for Him to sell our home so that we could move to our new community.  He proved faithful every step of the way, providing a place for us to stay when we were temporarily homeless (thanks, Mom and Dad!), a place for our belongings to be stored, furniture for our growing family, a better mower for our bigger yard, and the faith and boldness to jump into a new-to-us church with its old-to-them problems. 🙂

I was so excited about where He was leading us that I temporarily forgot the pain of moving and the insecurity of building new relationships.  How can an MK like me forget such things?!  But I did.  And then I remembered…when winter came… and loneliness settled around us.  We mourned the loss of friends, the comfort of familiarity, the quiet of just “being” with family.  Even then, especially then, He showed Himself faithful.  He carried us through that darkest winter and right into the hope of spring!

And now, now I feel we are in the midst of the Refiner’s fire again.  It’s painful, but also beautiful. Even here, right here in this tough spot that seems to last for eternity, He is faithful.  He does not leave me, nor forsake me. He reminds me of my blessings.  He reminds me of His promises.  He reminds me of His faithfulness.  Most importantly, He reminds me that I belong to Him.

Great is His faithfulness, time and time again. That’s what confidence is beginning to mean to me, my sisters in Christ.  I’m confident that He will see us through this current set of circumstances.  I’m confident that even though my faith may at times falter, it will never fail.  I’m confident that when I am weak, He’ll be my Strength and when I am poor, He’ll be my Provider.  And when I just need to be held and comforted, He’ll be my Rock.

faithful one, Great is Thy Faithfulness

That’s a confidence worth keeping, right?  Let’s not throw it away.

If you find yourself struggling as I have been, cling to this truth, sisters.  He is faithful; we can be fully certain of that.  When the road ahead looks to be too dark and you find yourself fearing, remember His faithfulness and be confident.  When the burden grows so great that you want to throw it off altogether, remember His faithfulness and be confident.  When you find yourself stumbling and sorrowing over sin, remember His faithfulness and be confident.

Be confident of this…

that the God of the Universe who walks by your side is the Faithful One.

And that you, you belong to Him.

Jen 🙂


8 responses to “Confidence Born of Chaos

  1. Wow! Such sweet truth wrapped up in this post about confidence. I’m praying that we all know God is the faithful one and for this truth to pull us through those moments that are dark, uncertain and interminably long. Blessings to you and your family and thank you for this reminder today!

  2. Mia says:

    Hi Jen
    Oh, your post has comforted me today. I am battling severe Fm/CFS flare-up and was quite discouraged when I realized that I might perhaps not be able to visit my family for Christmas, but your words lifted my hearts, for I praise our God that He remains faithful no matter what we are going through. He NEVER allows anything in our lives or takes us anywhere on life’s journey where His grace is not sufficient to sustain us!!
    Blessings XX

    • Oh, Mia. It’s comments like this and others from those who suffer chronically that make me feel so selfish for complaining about something so temporary. 🙂 But I know He understands! Praying for better health for you in the next few weeks!
      Jen 🙂

  3. Summer says:

    Hi Jen, I’m visiting from the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood and oh…my…word…reading your page feels like deja vu! We just moved from a longterm pastorate and then ended up living with mom and dad for an extended time as we searched frantically for a new job. And now the winter just breaking into a new community. Spring comes? Thanks for the reminder. Here’s my honest wrestling with God’s faithfulness in the midst…

    • Spring comes! I’m still feeling a bit on the lonely end here, especially with winter settling in. Building new relationships in a small, tight-knit community is harder than I thought it would be, not to mention the whole pastor’s wife thing. 🙂 But I have faith, at least most days I do, haha. I know in the past God has used times of isolation/loneliness to really grow my faith, so at least I can take comfort in that. I’ll definitely check out your link!
      Jen 🙂

  4. In early 2000, I read the Hobbit for the first time – and God opened my eyes to a pattern in that sweet little book – that after every challenge, there was a time of refreshing. I started noticing that pattern in my life – and that was a comfort. That if I just stood, or held on – or fought through – or whatever He called me to do during the challenge – there would be a refreshing at the end – before the next journey challenge. Praying for you. That He stand with you. That you feel His arm around you. That as you slowly let the reigns of the need to be perfect loosen, you soar in the things He called you to do. Blessings, friend – during this season of challenge!!!

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